Sakshi Bhav "An Observer"

It was totally dark, and I couldn’t able to see a beautiful girl sitting next to my seat. But the thing that I could see was people were jumping on their seats and holding the hands of person next to them and the whole environment was like popcorn in a hot bowl. And just in front of me there was a white screen and on that, was a miserable guy suffering from food poisoning, farting hard, pushing stomach and abusing. It was a movie called “Delhi Belly”.  Almost two and half hours of screenplay in which most of the time people were stuck in miseries, surrounded by problems except for one scene where a sealskin lady was peeling off the banana using fork and knife. The people really enjoyed that movie and it was topic of discussion for almost a week in my office and some people went twice to hear those abuses in Hindi and English and I was one of them.

My imagination went to that point where I am replacing one of the characters and watching people laughing at me (except for the corner seat occupied couple who are busy in kissing each other). Lol.  I am having a severe stomach pain because of some testicle touched fried chicken and having no water to wash my ass. I am using my friend’s orange juice to clean the nozzle. Now at this point of time I am the most miserable person. My pain and suffering is bigger than any other person on this planet earth. At this point of time, I shall definitely pray to god;” please take all my sufferings as soon as possible. In similar fashion I can replace myself to various characters, sometimes I am finding myself hung from ceiling and a gun is pointing at me, or a big SUV is chasing me. In every situation and in each character I am seeing the same scene that a group of people is laughing at me. For them, more the situation is complicated, more the laughter is. I call them “An Observer”. For an observer it hardly matters who is scratching who’s pussy with his beard, the only thing that matters is the mourn sound which will bring joy and laughter.

This is the story of my real life. This life is full of twist and turns, I am having pains, I am having sufferings, I am having loose motions, I am having break ups and I am facing all kinds of situation which can take tears out of my eyes but my life is amazing, I bet! It’s really amazing to see from an observer’s point of view. An observer who only knows the definition of laughter and joy, who actually paid for this entertainment, for him Life is an entertainment. If you don’t believe me then see the person next to you either you are in office, home or any damn place. How does it really matter to him or her that last night you had a very bad night or this morning you are suffering from constipation? And look at the same person and think; “My God! Is gadhe ki zindagi me kitna problem hai, rota hi rehta hai hamesha.” Did smile come on your face? On a lighter side you can also do this “Mujh gadhe ki zindagi me kitna problem hai, rota hi rehta hai hamesha”.

It sounds very complicated but not impossible. Some people may ask this question; “How can I be an observer of my own life”? Or “How can I laugh at my own life’s miseries?” This question itself has got answer. Because fact of the matter is most of us don’t even dare to think of this question. We always love to be a victim rather than becoming an observer, and then we ask “Why I am suffering?” rather than asking the previously motioned question. Truth is, that if we are ready to carry victim’s profile then we don’t have the right to ask this question that; “why I am suffering?” Victims are born to suffer. Anyway the crux is observer is always happy and not a victim is and this is the guarantee of happiness. But irony is we have lost in business, visiting cards (AGM, Sr. Executive, Executive or CEO of a sewage plant where shit is being put in big mixer grinder). We have lost in branded cloths, upgraded car models and “Freshly architecture Home sweet home”. After building the whole empire we have fear of losing it and then we ask “Why Me?”  Off course you my dear friend, because you have not created the empire of objects what you are seeing, you have created an empire of situations, and now you have became a victim of those situations, victim of objects and victim of personality. Rishi Nityapragyaji says; “Is jeeven me dukh naam ki koi cheez nahi hoti, sukh hota aur sukh jab kam hone lagta hai to use hum dukh ka naam dene lagte hain”

               So next time in the world of personality, object and situation if you are suffering from loose motion then sit on the commode and try to become an observer and observe the whole process of liberation, sounds funny right? It is funny for that instance, but it’s true also, because whether it’s a child, an adult or an old age person deep inside everyone is thinking that “I am the same”. Something inside did not grow with my skin. And trust me that consciousness is “an observer” inside you. This is the paradigm of awareness. Be aware what game is being played, who is player and who is observer. This is what it called “Sakshi Bhav” mentioned in “Ashtavakra Geeta” a fanatic knowledge book.

"Wisdom Seller"

Scene 1: Monday, 8AM:

All set for MM9, Monday morning 9AM, the place where dreams turn into reality. I never understood whose dream turns into reality, dream of company or dream of employee. Asking for dream reality concept at 9Am in the morning is never digestible to me; this is why most Monday morning I use toilet of my office. If given chance I would rather prefer to sleep and see dreams and then some other day I shall try to turn it into reality. But it is impossible so let’s talk possible, The truth is, I have to wake up and prepare myself for that Carnot cycle (Only those who studied mechanical engg or studied properly in high school can understand carnot cycle, If you are not google it.). I got ready for MM9 did my entire morning activity and went to have breakfast. As I told that it’s Monday so no time to cook breakfast. I went outside to have “Aaloo ke parathe,(People those who are reading this in south India check your mouth some water is falling) while I was totally involved in enjoying each bite of that paratha suddenly my eyes went in front. A liquor shop, a shop with less promotion and advertisement, not exactly visible from all sides of the market also. And then the activity of mine shifted and was doing two different things together, my hand and my mouth were busy in creating resonance for the food in front of me and my eyes stuck to that liquor shop. One person appeared in the counter, spent approximately 4 minutes and then opened the seal and took two sips of “Kalyug Amrit” and rest put in his pocket, immediately two lines triggered in my mind which I have read some times back behind a truck

            सतयुग में अमृत मिला, द्वापर में मिला घी
            कलयुग में दारु मिली, खूब दबाकर पी.

Its unbelievable but within 10 minutes of that breakfast period I notice almost 15 to 20 customer. Even the shopkeeper did not think of doing worship after opening the sutter of the shop, he just started selling. When congestion got over shopkeeper took out “Agarbatti” and offered gratitude to the God.

Scene2: Monday, 8PM   

Monday evening of December, temperature is going down in town. 8PM was almost looking like late night. In the yellow color street light the smoky fog was also appearing like backdrop of an old movie. Flies were enjoying the “merry go round” around the florescent street light. Stoppage time of 120 seconds remained cars came stopped; some were playing loud music to forget the frustration of MM9. Bikers were rubbing their hand as it got frozen because of the cold and the taxi drivers were spitting from their window the chewed supari and saliva from their mouth. Suddenly a man appeared. Man in his late twenties wore a sweater and pant, a bag back on his shoulder that looked heavy. He was knocking each and every driver seat window and having a 5 second chat with them. I thought he is asking for lift. It looked interesting to me so I continuously stared at him and his activities, he came closer, then I saw he is holding something in his hand. Some thick books, then I thought he is a salesman selling dictionaries at traffic signal. I thought what a way to do marketing of products; people can’t spare traffic signal also. For me he looked same as other traffic signal vendors who sale tissue paper box, car cushions, mobile chargers and other accessories. I was happy that no one is giving him proper response, till he came closer to me. Instantly my happiness turned into a different expression, an expression of regret. I was regretting my judgmental thoughts when I saw a U shaped “chandan” on his forehead. He has got a divine glow on his face with the silence and expression of unconditional smile. He was a “wisdom seller”, a devotee of Krishna, a yogi. A yogi, who was doing sewa in his free time and was giving “Shreemad Bhagwat geeta” to people at very reasonable price, He was distributing the way of life, the reason of unconditional love, the source of immense joy, the tool of never ending smile. Though people were not giving him a single response but smile on his face was intact, not a single line of worries. Then he came to me, I greeted him: Jai Shree Krishna, He replied with same enthusiasm and joy. It was like two known people meeting after long time. I seriously felt a connection between us. And why not! It was the connection of “Krishna”.

Yogi: Would you like to buy these books?

I: I already read Bhagwat Geeta.

Yogi: So, nice! Are you doing your chanting daily?

I: No I belong to different spiritual group, I do meditation.

Yogi: Jai Shree Krishna

I: Jai Shree Krishna.

This 10 second of meeting energized me. I felt very nice and started smiling which I have lost because of MM9. The meeting was small but effective. I hope he also got some energy and enthusiasm to spread happiness.

The reason of writing this blog is not these two events which I observed but the practical experience of one doha of “Kabira” an old saint. I actually forgot the exact wordings but have some faint idea of the meaning. Which says: “Alcohol sells itself but to sell milk we have to go door to door” (If someone find exact wordings please let me know). This is the biggest irony of our life. A pesticide mixed pepsi sells higher then butter milk; no doubt why mothers in Mc Donalds scold her child to finish burgers. This is how it is, friends make you feel regret if you did not see a movie called “Delhi Belly”. Kya! Tune who movie nahi dekhi….aahhh”, but give this expression if you tell them to accompany you to gurudwara “yaar kal chalet hain na, aaj mood nahi hai”. And still we say “Har ek friend zaroori hota hai”. I don’t care how many bottles get open in the morning everyday or how many “divine books” that “wisdom seller” will sell on the traffic signal, because one thing is very sure confined mentality and shrink thoughts cannot see the disgrace of alcohol and grace of divinity. People argue to me “why do I need Art of Living or a Guru?” I say neither you need Art of living nor you need a guru. You just need the guts. Guts to face yourself in the mirror while saying “I am Unconditionally Happy”.

@ 25

“If it’s not 25, It’s not enough”, this is what a recent TV commercial is saying. Really! It’s not enough or it’s enough. After celebrating 25 Happy Birthdays may be its time to check enough or not enough business, the flavor of the cake and where the cherry is. Undoubtedly the flavor of 18^th cake and the 25^th cake is not same, neither the people who brought that 18^th cake, some of them are there but not all. Pocket money became Salary, Yahoo chat became Blackberry messenger. And I became mamaji of my first girlfriend’s son.  Holly Cow.

This is the age where most of us have already crossed the major turmoil of life, turmoil of studies, relationship and all crazy needs. Now there is no fight of thoughts for a 10 megpixel camera phone or 50% + 40% sale on outlet, 10 becomes the rating at the job and want 40% to 50% hike in salary, numbers remained same content column modified. Somehow the attitude of proving has come to a halt. Attitude of proving means show off in simple words. Some of the content of checklist has already been ticked, like already proved that; I can pass class 10^th, 12^th and graduation, so I am a good student. Already proved to dad that I can get a good job and handsome salary, so I am a Saput (Good Son in English, precisely a son who is not the bojha(weight) on father’s head. Already proved to the first girlfriend that I am nalayak, I don’t know how to take responsibility. And this is for those who are not virgin, they already proved to their partner (whosoever it is) that yes I know how to achieve orgasm.

“Aap bade hoke kya banana chhahte ho beta”; someone asked me this question at the age of 6. I immediately replied: Postman. Loud laughter did spread in the air, I amazed. Why these idiots are laughing. Then I wanted to become Train driver, Truck driver, Navy, IAS, Rapist (after reading rape cases in newspaper) and what not. Last time when I had a fight with my dad, I wanted to become a Journalist and He wanted me to become a mechanical engineer. He washed my brain like tide safedi with all fake stats and finally I became mechanical engineer with no mechanics. My mom used to say me, if you shall get a job of rupees 3000/- I shall be happy. Now I am earning 20 times more, but still she is not happy. 15 back years I saw 20 professional dreams and now no dream. Now the only dream is to see a text message at the end of the month in my cell phone;” Salary is credited”. Also, at 25 some of us change our job like daily underwear to get the happiness and we get shit everywhere. Stupid interviewers ask questions;” Why do you want to change your job?”And that time only answer comes;” Saale! Jab tujhe pata hi hai to fir kyon pooch raha hai”. Paisa boss, paisa. Only reason to change the job. Sri Sri always says;”There is nothing called, Job Satisfaction. This word should be removed from the dictionary”. I also feel If you want money, do job. If you want satisfaction do sewa.

My dad had a 22inches Hercules bicycle. It was black in color with green seat on it. In one of regular dream I use to see that my legs have grown up and I am sitting on that green color seat and riding that big bicycle. Suddenly a screamed voice;” Arey utho! School nahi jana hai kya? No doubt that was my mom’s voice. When I’ll become young and ride that bicycle? Somehow I managed to learn half paddle. Half Paddle! In which rider don’t sit on the seat of a bicycle, rider’s armpit rests on it. Left hand on handle holding left hand side of break, right hand holding the centre pipe of the cycle. It was like an oversized bra hanging on a hanger. This half paddle riding was one of the biggest achievements that I can say someone that I know how to ride a bicycle. Bicycle was not the source of the joy; the joy was to ride that with free mind. Evening 4 pm to 6 pm noone was allowed to say that;”chalo pair haath dho aur padhai karo”. The wow feeling, no padhayi only cycle ghumayi. With increasing salary of my dad, the bicycle became a bajaj scooter then hero Honda motorcycle and a 4 wheeler. A 4-wheeler cannot buy the same joy as of half paddle 22 inch bicycle. The one more point is when I sit in a 4 wheeler I feel my ego growing; I change from everybody to somebody, which is actually nobody. That’s why my company also says “personal mobility” is a joy with 2-wheeler only.

“LOVE”, hahahahahaha…Most fermented, decomposed, baked, unsaturated topic of 25. Here I will not write about the love with parents, guru, or whosoever is the perfect example of love. Here I shall talk about the quantified situation of relationship between a boy and a girl. Now time has come to accept it because now media is selling it in open market. This is the age where most of the friend of mine started reaping horizontally, Mind you I am talking about “Pariwar Vistaar”. This is the age where some of my friend got married (Especially female), some are planning and some are confused. My friends lot size started reducing, like a vegetable market of Tuesday evening in my sector, because of the change in priority. Off course married ones will give priority to their spouse rather then friends otherwise their spouse will kick their ass and make them remember that blue is also a color. This is a secret that some of my friend still call me and ask “yaar kuch khane ko hai.” I never asked them;”Tere ghar me khana kyon nahi bana”. Once, very close friend of mine rightly said;” If my wife is sad then she will not cook and If she is happy then also she will not cook because she will say; “darling! Chalo na bahar khate hain”. In both the case ghar me khana nahi banega. The marriage word itself divert me from the topic.

The only thing inspired me to write this blog is relationship (before marriage). The thing which has been a gift or a curse, it is still a mango of winter season. I am sure most of us will agree to this that at this age marriage is just like a greeting of a beautiful air hostess of a famed airline company, just like a formality you know. Have to do so‘ll do. Most of us will do just for the sake of two god gifted managers sitting on our head. God has sent them to take decisions and pour that decision in the name of grace. This may be contrary if someone of us is in a relationship, a divine love. Most of us had been tasted this choco lava twice, thrice or at least one. The choco lava of love and breakup. With every set of new choco lava box some set of action and reaction comes, that includes, love, talks, more talks, late night talks, promises, kisses, cuddles…..fill in the blanks….judgments, fights, patch ups, again fights, and finally break up. The voice changes from “How similar we are” to “Go to hell”. Search begins again. Some of my friend became so rigid that after eating this flavor of choco lava, they hold their ears, but concept still remains the same that I do believe in love. For some people this set of love make them wear a black glass, now whatever they see it looks black in color. The word acceptance is most difficult word for them. They lost their faith in love of guru also. Their mind became so judgmental that they judge the selfless services. And every time I hear to those people I really feel bad for them. It’s like they sold their last boat that they had and they are afraid of changing the boat now. Though SRI SRI says; “Changing the boat will never help, if you don’t know how to row it”. It is absolutely true. What happened! if the train in which you were traveling met with an accident? Change the train rather then having a fear of not traveling again. Spontaneity should remain the quality of personality, come what may. It’s as simple is that the thing which has been assigned to you will come to you and which is not either it will not come or not retain. Each and every moment the world is changing so never mind in changing. “Change is the only constant thing yaar”. I am not talking about the Rupees “change” so please don’t misunderstand it; anyhow nowadays in the name of “change” the counter boy gives toffees. I am in search of the person who invented this idea.

                                                (The Journey of 25 Calendars…to be continued…)

If I am not married (Don’t be serious it’s a joke)

Today I take this opportunity to confess one of my biggest fears. I have no shame or today I am not finding anything awkwardness in confessing this issue. May be after writing this blog some cells of my body will feel relaxed and some hormones will splash with joy. I have no idea from where I got this strength to put these words on paper but after seeing the event which happened with me last evening I had left with no choice.

            My biggest fear in life is marriage. People call it as an institution; I don’t know why they call it as an institution. Another option which I have is may be demolition, destruction, exploitation. My married friends and relatives or people planning to get married please don’t kick me. Both of us know that I will be left with no choice someday, Someday I will have to cross this border and come into your territory.

            One Sunday evening, I and two of my friends were returning from “Mahasatsang” everything was fine till my friend decided to take lift from a car whose destination was same as ours. My idea was to move our bodies through the one of the best facility given by our government, i.e. “Delhi Metro”. My friends had different opinion. After “Mahasatsang” I was in yes mode so I said “yes” to this idea. After little bit of hassle we found a brand new car, whose seat polycover is yet to be tear. The gracious family, wife husband and a baby girl decided to carry our body weight. Journey begun in slight fogy night in the season of “dilli ki sardi”. Nice car, nice ambience, nice people, nice FM music, everything was nice till the baby started crying. And the twist started, she started crying, somehow her mother managed first time and second time. Third time it was uncontrollable. Frankly speaking, at that point of time I was regretting my decision. I was thinking how comfortable a metro journey is, when you have an ipod and a cozy jacket with you. Slowly we were moving till the point of one traffic jam where situation got worst. All the radio jokeys, bhaiyas and didi, mummy and papa, teddies and cat (when I saw that cat I searched for 2 minutes where the mouth of that cat is) failed to stop crying baby princess. That moment I realized babysitting might be more difficult then designing a bike or writing codes on 21 inch computer display. As we know every closed door has an opening and that opening was the idea born in Mr. Husbands mind.

            “Who knows how to drive a car?” suddenly this question has been heard. It was the voice of Mr. Husband. I looked other people and they shown me a complete blank face. The only option was me, and I took the initiative, remembered my “G” and started driving the car. Sitting plan of the car has been changed. Mrs. Wife shifted to back seat, Mr. Husband left to me in front. He took the responsibility to make baby girl happy with his stupid jokes and comments. One very deadly was when he said;”beta choop ho jao nahi to soniya Gandhi aa jayegi” and baby stopped crying. Later he said;”chalo soniya Gandhi bachho ko chup karane me to kaam aayi”. I truelly admire Mr. Husband how he handled the situation and I must say better then her mother.

            In between all ups and downs my mind was surprised, I didn’t even say a single word through out the journey. Right leg on brake and accelerator, left on clutch, one hand on steering and another on gear, and constant smile on my face. Smile which came out of amazement, surprise and fight between my mind and my heart. This is what a typical Indian family is! A job, a hatchback car with polycover on seat, a wife and a baby and lots of tic tac toe.

            Some breed of people find the game of tic tac toe very interesting. Here I doubt my capability of playing this game. Till now my game is “I do what I like, I like the way I live, I live to the fullest and the fulfillment of seeing smile on others faces”. After this event my fear has been increased. I recalled my happiest dream of my life where I am sitting on an island with a very interesting book in my hand and my iPod, till my eye view goes I am not seeing any human being. And then a yellow butterfly is flying coming towards me and sit on my book. Life is like a never ending joke “If I am not married”. Let me laugh.

My Fingernails

My biggest enemies on this planet earth are so mulish, that every time I chop their heads they come up with new. They are just like my sexual thoughts, the more I show them the way to exit the more they knock on my door. My enemies, my finger nails. Since my childhood I had deep respect for them, I use to cut them through my tooth only, no blade, no nail cutter. Funniest thing was once someone suggested me to have a homeopathic medicine for this and crazy doctor gave also. The point is whatever syndrome we have there is a solution for that. In this oxygen riched sphare there are ample amount of syndromes available, spreaded like ink on a tissue paper.

Facebooking syndrome:

Who says god doesn’t exist, then who is this person who created this virtual world. I know some hardcore atheist will not agree to this. I still believe he has created a puppet show out of his logical mind and programming tools. This is a world where we have farms, ships, Adams, Eves and off course virtual apple too. Here user feels like the earth is rotating around me. A world of imaginations, posts, likes, comments, notifications and no doubt pictures with beautiful smile. The only thing which I like about the facebook is everybody looks very happy, satisfied and rich. Most of the times a day start with a notification and ends with last chat box close. I remember when my grandfather use to come back from outside, the first thing he use to do was to wash his hands, legs and face, and now check notification on facebook. There is a very nice story when Kalyug was coming. “Kalyug” not the movie, its time we are surviving in. Kalyug was given place to live in the entire corrupted place like, Casino, Place of prostitution, and the gold. So Kalyug climbed on the head of that time rulling king Parikshit because his crown was made up of gold. I think the same for facebook. I find it in toilet, bed, office even cremation area also, “My old relative died today, I am burning him with tears, Life is a XYZ, 5 people like, 2 comments. Funniest thing is some people like their own comment and post. What should I call them? I don’t have word. It really climbed on the head. A happy guy comes singing, dancing on television saying” I’m always on facebook”, Dude you are not always on facebook, the facebook is on you.

Extreme Love syndrome: hyped, misunderstood, recyclable:

Since last three, four decades there is a group of people taking out money from public’s pocket and tears from their eyes every now and then. The intimacy of love shown on white screen is like mileage shown on automobile broachers, 25kmpl with a star mark. Star mark says on ideal condition. A user gets neither ideal road condition nor 25kmpl. 150 minutes of wild imagination, some starts imagining their first love, some their last. Wife and husband, sitting together, hand in hand, watching a romantic movie thinking of their past. And please ask me what past. Sometimes people fall in love in cinemaghar itself. I remember there was a song of a gentleman picturized like the guy fall in love with a girl in movie theatre. They start noticing each other during the queue in front of ticket counter and luckily the guy gets seat beside the girl, they sit together and in one song they become soul mate. After seeing this situation, 2 years I went to cinema hall with the same dreams that something will happen in my life also. I did not get “P” of that pyar. This industry created a dire need of love in people’s life. The love whose definition never been understood.  Now situation is if someone is alone for more then two months, its abuse for that person. He feels like I am the cursed DNA on this planet earth. My Guruji says; “You can’t do love, how you can do something which you are. You are love, because you born out of love. Its like how can I do Vivek, I am Vivek. This is a difference in being and doing. The love which I admire the most is the love of an old time devotee, who simply written that “Prabhuji tum chandan hum paani, jaake ang baas samani”, the oneness, which comes automatically when love flourishes. Now, sometimes sandalwood changes, sometimes water. The word guarantee is changed to warranty. Like everything this also becomes recyclable. How dare you to ask love in a relationship, we are just friends, we can eat, drink, sleep together, and even we can say “I love you” to each other but When it comes to commitment I will surely look for a safe future. Because I certainly believe that crying with BMW (please don’t read it as Behan Maya Wati) is better then with Alto. These are some common sentences that are on air. This is also like Friday released movie, flop, hit and super hit. There are enough to write on this topic but who cares. I will ask that homeopathy doctor if has something to say about this or he has got some medicine of this syndrome.

I know, syndrome.

If someone comes to you and discuss a very nice beneficial topic and you say,”mujhe pata hai”, then more or less you are also victim of this syndrome. There are chances that many things in life we know, but how much we know is a big question. It’s a human tendency, though we know quarter pie but we think that we know whole circle. And when someone comes up with a fresh packet of information, step by step we do this. First we put our ego in-between. Second, you keep on speaking I am not listening. Third, aah what do you know, I know better then you. Fourth, we decrease the morale of speaker. Finally, deep inside we have a feel good factor, I won. Every time we repeat these five steps, we close the door of listening and taking.

Just imagine! Each and every species around us is ignoring each and every individual. Then what will be the state of mind, dejected, depressed, demoralized. Did we ever think that, this is what we are doing with our self? We are ignoring our body, our breath, our mind, intellect everything. Eating junk, Sleeping junk and thinking junk. Soon there will be human participation in “junkyard’s war”. O god! I wrote all this, Please don’t think that if I am writing, that means I know everything. Answer is no. I am also the victim of this syndrome. Frankly speaking this syndrome is very nice to have with introspection. Like today if I look my past, it makes me happy because of the stupidity I have done before. I had the mind with closed doors till I saw a street dog in chilly winter at 5 AM in the morning trying hard to get warm, struggling to make a space which will provide some heat. After 15 minutes of struggle dog won and then suddenly a car came and run over that dog. Dog’s Life finished at that very moment. Left behind some unanswered questions, then I realized that if I know everything then what I am doing here on this planet earth. Then the journey began the journey of knowing the unknown. The more come to know, the less I know. I don’t know what is this syndrome? But, Yes! I do laugh when someone say “Mujhe pata hai”, “Mujhe bhi pata hai”, immediately my mind give this response. I am still waiting for that state of mind when there will be no question and no answer. Sri Sri says it is a state of mind called “Swayuj”, the point of intersection of line of question and answer.

While typing my eyes went on my fingernails. And guess what, it looks like the place of Khap panchayat. All ten enemies have been chopped down properly without any mercy. But never mind they will grow again, again they will raise their head and challenge me. If anyone is having answer of this question then please reply me back. Why I eat my fingernail?

Turning into a monk - I

“What I have to do to become a teacher?”

This question seems very simple but sometime a simple question becomes a so surprise element that hearing such question brings goose bumps in body. And it transcends you to extremely silent moment where “expressionless” is the best term to define that moment. And no doubt at that point of time words are not enough to explain the joy.

It’s a story of a girl whose complete transformation took only four month. If someone ask me to measure, then I’ shall simply say from one point of quadrant to another point opposite in sign. From negative infinity to positive infinity. And truly speaking this is the magic of a guru. A guru handles you and your mind so efficiently, that even a complicated path becomes simple. Guru takes you to a journey where you never realize the distance traveled. A guru transforms lives in just fraction of a second. A stimulant thought and a voice comes from inside says, I have to do this.

I personally know this girl from the day one of her spiritual birth. Two years before she tasted the flavors of this dish. There is no doubt that she enjoyed the seven days of time span as much as others. She learned some tools and techniques and made new friends, and I was one of them. She was living happily and enjoying each and every bit of her life. We use to interact with each other once in a blue moon. She uses to share the experiences of her practices and I usually try to motivate her to keep moving. The best part of life is that, it allows us to play whatever role we want to play in this theatre and we never realize that when we start loosening our one string. The same thing happened with her also; in the charm of happiness she left the string of spirituality. This was the time we were hardly speaking to each other. It was like connection fading away.

Luckily, four months before we saw each other online and started the long due conversation. It was really a long duration since we last ask each other;” How are you? We found some left out talks and started asking questions. Somehow in between the conversation I realized that something is not fine. Somewhere, something is missing. On the first day I did not felt comfortable in asking the real cause. But, one thought that crossed in my mind was, “I should do something”. I felt like someone is continuously telling me to go forward and ask. I followed my will and started talking regularly. The funniest part was at that she was only telling about her physical problems, suffering from this and that, some allergies of environment to hitting a door and getting a pain. I use to always smile and say;” Everything will be fine”. I knew that its not a physical problem which is hurting her, actual problem is at the top floor of the building. And then a day came when I gave her first blessing with all my faith and prayer. Please take care of her. I don’t know how that worked but she told that it was like fine tuning the old radio. Effect was such like after that blessing she went to office and enjoyed the day. We gave momentum to our conversation and decided to meet.

After long time when I saw her I couldn’t believe myself. The face of the clock was showing 12oclock. Each and every dimension was out, whether it was a physical dimension or mental. Specifically she was giving me a fake smile, a smile which was not supporting her at all. While interacting to her I came to know that; her kites of emotion were flying without any string. I blessed her again and saw some water particles are supporting the gravitational force. I personally believe that a person only show tears when situation is beyond the imagination. It took almost 30 minutes to bring her fake smile back. Silence was the only way to bring her actual spontaneity back. I left that place with one promise that she is going to join the next silence program.

And here comes role of a guru. The best part of a guru is he will set you free, He will allow you to run, and save you just one moment before falling. And that is what happened. Guru pulled her into silence. This was the month of June and a silence program was about to happen in gurgaon. I just passed this information to her with a faith. I had this gut feeling inside me that this is going to be miraculous. The thing, which will make her completely hollow and empty. The four day journey had begun. I still remember her face, her body language on day one, a complete silent and resistive attitude; It was looking like her mind is full of doubt. I suggested her, whatever you are carrying here in your mind just put that into botheration basket. Day passed she went into silence, she did sahaj Samadhi, and the power behind her guided her to take all the right decision at that point of time. She had been facilitated with everything like a child. Program came to an end and I got an opportunity to talk to her. It was my first shock, a completely changed personality with all positive frames of mind. It was like someone did put her into a mould for four days and did all the treatment and made a new package. The way she was laughing, speaking and walking was miraculous.

Story did not end here. Four months before there was a person who use to be apprehensive with each new step became a decision maker, a bundle of joy, a nest of rest. I again disappeared from her connection after that course. One fine day I got her call, a HELLO, like someone is roaring with energy. I presumed this is DSN energy and it was. It was the month of august, and she returned from a program called DSN. DSN with Anandji. Anandji is a person whom I can call a transformer. Anandji has got a capability to transform cat into a lion. Then I realized how smooth she is sailing after crossing one barrier, one bad phase of life. I personally believe this is one of the biggest changes I have seen in my life. She touched each and every aspect of spirituality, whether it’s listening Ashtavakra Geeta, doing group sadhna or Sewa, everything. Now status is she is asking this question;” What I have to do to become a teacher?”

Life never shuts all the doors together; it’s our vision which can see only one direction. When one door is shut we never dare to look the door just next to it. She dared to do that and she is my “Turning into a monk – I”.

"Achievement Joke"

Diwali festival of lights and joy. This diwali I met many people, people of different genre, people of different ages and people of different dreams. People really made their smile costlier. People counting the stairs of the success at he cost of their smile. With every increasing digits in the salary making more robotic. People are becoming so rigid that, they are not ready to welcome happiness. Irony is they belive that nothing can chage the way of their living and this is destiny.

One set of people, aspiring for better future, sharpening their chisel which will make a way to success. Cirtainaly each and every moment their goal is in their mind. Any how to get one seat in apex engineering college o medical college. A group of people, shy, lines of worries on face, Influenced and pressurized. Influenced with the success stories, Its a position where life is really on fire. And they really think that grass of a degree college is really green. Pressurized with the thought of their parents and evergrowing expectation. Its like holding tonnes of load and crawling. But Inbetween influence and pressure there are some moments smile on their faces. Ready to accept good Ideas and situations which can bring some changes in their life, like a plant growing at the surface of jungle always looking up for sun ray to reach to them.

Story of tree which is already exposed to the sun light is slightly different. A tree with deep rooted roots and strong stem. A group of engineers freshly graduated from college joined corporate race. A set of youth, where youthfulness, energy and enthusiasm is just a word. For them life is like a tickeling clock of 8hrs job and after that there is no existence of rest 16hrs. A four years of their degree period raped them, took everything and given a thick A4 sheet, cirtifying achiever. Smile became a leap year which will come once in a four year.

A big question is why success takes everything from people, takes their smile, the enthusiasm, the energy and make them a dead man walking. Mentality so confined that cannot think beyond routine life. Is this what we are loking for? Is achievent a joke?

We cirtainly forgot that life is joy and celebration. Celebration not only on Holi or Diwali but everyday. Everyday opening a new door of hapiness. Everyday checking letterbox and opening a letter of hapiness, nevermind someday if letter is blanked. It doesn't matter what we achieve in life but It really matters that whatever we have achieved, we don make it a joke.

The four quadrant of my life

Starting from a toothbrush in my mouth to the last sip of water before sleep I call it a day, so do others. In between these two moments I have to cross an ocean everyday. Sometimes my journey is pleasant, sometime it is other way round. And after finishing the each day’s journey only one question comes in my mind. Who is directing this movie? And why he is so interested in continuing this since ages? So perfect director of a movie where character comes and go, replacement takes place, only faces change not the role. The director’s role is to just send the millions of thought in millions of brain. And character starts their role. Is it not amazing that each and every moment the thoughts are coming and going? And next moment new chain reaction. Like a milestone standing beside the road and car passes each and every moment. WOW.

And then what thought do, very smartly stimulate the feelings. Either a good feeling or a bad feeling, and then like a blind horse I start moving trying to catch good feeling. No doubt next moment I get that good feeling grabbed. Holding tightly like, this is what I wanted, and someone laughs at me and asks: You got it? And next moment a magical wand do a magic leaving me behind with a bad feeling for the same object which I grabbed just a moment before. And I find myself empty handed, standing at the middle of a tide. Tide of thoughts. Then director says: CUT. Next thought, Next feeling and no doubt next race. The amazing thing is in dreams also I am running. LOL.

This four quadrant my of life, which is making a perfect 360 degree, a perfect circle and I am running on the periphery of it. And these quadrants are nothing but the quadrants of mathematics the combination of a variable ‘X’ and ‘Y’ with perfect combination of ‘(+)’ and ‘(-)’. ‘X’ denotes the thoughts and ‘Y’ denotes the feeling.

Quadrant 1: Off course positive thoughts and positive feeling. This is rare moments of my life but I am not untouched of it. The quadrant of Bliss. A deed of mine, when I bring perfect 70mm smile for my fellow runners. It gives me immense pleasure and feels like time has stopped here. And no doubt director also smile on me and say: Yes! That’s the real one.

Quadrant 2: “Change is the only constant thing” no doubt then I move from Quadrant 1 to Quadrant 2. A Negative thought with Positive feelings. Quadrant of Lust. No doubt it gives me pleasure satisfaction and joy but for limited period of time. And the moment I finished that, I left with regret in my mind.

Quadrant 3: Then slowly I find myself on the third slice of a pizza. A negative thought with a negative feeling. The quadrant of greed and jealousy. The beauty of life is it gives me each and every slice. And that’s why I love life. The slice of negative thought is no doubt bitter in taste but I always blame my feelings for it. As an actor I perform that rape scene, killing people and slitting heads. And this is what I am paid for from my director. For a director the villain’s role is as much important as of a hero. And that’s why I started thanking for the journey of third quadrant. I don’t know its good or a bad but for me it’s an act.

Quadrant 4: Then I find myself on a territory of positive thought and negative feeling. The journey of this quadrant is also very interesting. The quadrant of doubt. In this I doubt each and every good thing in my life. I know that if I’ll go behind this thought I’ll be happy but my feelings put an extra amount of cons to it and pros disappear. Someone says: “I trust you” and my mind asks: really?

6AM becomes 12 PM, Monday becomes Sunday, January becomes December and four digit number reaches to its successor. My role changes and no doubt I am becoming an experienced actor every passing day. I am moving through the four quadrants everyday, leaving no stone untouched, satisfying my director. With a toothbrush in my mouth in the morning and last sip of water before my sleep.

The word “Orthodox” is changing!

The shaadi season has begun and I am also getting news that some people around me are preparing themselves to ring the wedding bell. I congratulate them and they reply me with a blushing face and warrior smile. Its good people start taking responsibility to grow our society horizontally. Then conversation continues they speak about their spouse, education, life, country (If NRI), color, etc. The conversation itself shows the enthusiasm on other side of the river.

Thanks to our ancestor who developed a cast system and divided zones by keeping some surname copyright. They made it so easy that just by name people can identify the cast and choose their set of people. But I think my generation took some responsibility to break the barrier. In-between the conversation I come to know that “Orthodox” Brahmin is marrying a Baniya, Rajput is marrying a Brahmin and all sorts of permutation and combinations. Few years back I use to listen that because of this some couple had been discarded from their community and not it is frequent. Is my society changing? Is my society increased its tolerance limit? Are we more inclined towards a better life partner rather then a community matrimony barrier? Whatever the question be it sounds interesting for me.