"A"

Disgracefulness – What it should be - an art or an act? The question is not who is disgraceful, but how and why someone chooses the path of disgracefulness. Rather what is the human behavior all about and do circumstances influence the individuals to act?

This reminds me one of the Saturday’s discussions in my office. Fortunately, some of intellectual brains are available in my office to have a healthy conversation or a discussion and Saturday is the best time to do that. The question arose form an atheist guy, proud of saying that he is an atheist, that why do we need a God. Both side gave the inputs from pre-vedic era to modern belief of religion, including Brahminism, sati pratha and ashwamedh yagya. Some of the points came from the context of a book, “Theory of Justice” written by John Rawls, a gentleman from Harvard. It also went to the extremities of enlightenment of “Buddha”. But overall conclusion and outcome was totally different, that the religion has nothing to do with God. Moreover, it is more related to only two words “belief” and “convenience”. It sounds very awkward but it’s astonishing.

Point is not to discuss the religion, but what belief and convenience can do. Precisely, each and every act whether it’s religious or non religious is based on belief and convenience. Humans’ belief is based on the experiences of five senses or the believed thoughts. Indeed belief can believe anything but convenience play a major role in budding both in the behavior. And here comes disgracefulness in the picture. When belief and convenience supersede the commitment the disgracefulness arises. Personally, I am not inconvenient of disgracefulness now, because its not my inconvenience is important but, prescribed artist’s convenience is.

Before this B-belief, C-convenience and D-disgracefulness is “A- adore”

Let’s be cheerful!!!

29 Years, 29 Peoples, Events or Arts

23rd August 2014

Its special day for you, so what is the plan for the day?

This question always remains awkward for me, what is so special and what would be the special plan. Every year on 23^rd August I try to find the answer but never succeeded in getting. 23^rd August my birthday, and this year my 29^th birthday – last 20s birthday of my life – 29 calendars have been thrown off till date and finally hanging 2014. Today I have been asked the same question and I didn’t have answer, but then I decided to find out those 29 peoples or moments of my life that literally either made some impact in my life or left impression till date.

1.       My Mom – Although it’s been more that 10 years I left my home and stay away from my family and twice or thrice in a year I meet my mother, but every time I meet her, I spend time with her find new dimension of our relationship. She and my father are the two persons who really enjoy every bit of my success and my status. She enjoys going long drive in my car and eating “chole bhaturey” in haldiram. She was the one who told me to earn Rs 3000 per month for her happiness and make her proud, and now when I buy a handbag for her of Rs 3000 the joy on her face is priceless.

2.       My father – The man of determination. He shows that he is strong, but his eyes tell the truth when he drops me on railway station or vice versa. He is the man responsible for what I am today and whatever I shall be in future. He shares my success and failure and tells me not to try hard otherwise distance between us will increase.

3.       His Holiness Sri Sri Ravi Shankar or Guruji – He is Guru of Gurus, He never makes a follower, he maker leader. The love that he shows for people is remarkable. He gave the greatest gift in life – The wisdom. He is the man responsible for bringing silence and meditation in my life. The power that he provided me is the feeling of being blessed and feeling that “you are not alone”.

4.       Anuj – My friend, my ex roommate and my gurgaon buddy. With him the journey of first job was amazing. He is the man responsible for bringing wisdom in my life. He shows great amount of subtleness for a big challenges and tasks. Our drive on my bike will always remain a good memory and off course too much eatig and sleeping on Sundays.

5.       Neha – My College buddy, a great human being. She taught me great values in life, our memories of togetherness in college left good amount of impression in my life. She will always remain an unforgettable part. Even though circumstances don’t allow us to talk but we share good amount of unsaid words.

6.       Nayan – my project buddy in college. He is a man who is always ready to help you in any situation. With him toughest task of the college happened smoothly. Whatever time we spent together during the first college magazine project was remarkable.

7.       Learning Sudarshan Kriya – No event can match the amount of happiness that sudarshan kriya gave. The truly magical technique of being human.

8.       My mamaji – The age difference between me and my mamaji is just 3 years. He always behaves like friend, like big brother. He is a support just one call away. I remember we use to fight in our childhood for cricket bat. His simplicity is at its best.

9.       Mitu – A friend with Great Spirit. I never found her in demanding state of mind. She is the person of acceptance and her skill always motivates me. Whatever she is or she has, I never found her asking more than that. Even though our friendship is on and off type but whenever either we talk or remain together she remains in that moment to make that moment happy.

10.   India Against corruption – This was really an inspiring event. First time I saw the real feeling of patriotism in people of our country. Whole night people sitting, chanting, shouting, singing in front of India gate. In front of my eyes I saw one or two people dying because of hunger strike. The whole event was electrifying and motivating that really an idea for nation can change the mindset of the people.

11.   Nishimura San – I hardly admire any foreign national, but his name is enough. He is god of electrical component of two wheeler industry. What makes special in him is his style of working and observing each and every minute detail. Working with him was an honour. The most inspiring point was a Hindi slogan written on his Japanese laptop - “Nidhan tak kaam karo”- work until you die.

12.   Aprajita – A perfect listener and a caring friend. Eating her hand made parathas in my last office’s tea break time was always fun. Her curiosity of knowing thing and defending Biharis for good reason were marvellous. What makes she in this list is not the dishes that I ate from her plates but the courage that she showed against the dowry before marriage. She defines the word courage.

13.   Sudhanshu – A best friend. He is my first professional teacher who taught me CATIA. Learning CATIA software from him was fun – parallel working on ORKUT. A silent guy and bold personality. He is very good at hiding his emotions and never let you know the pain of unfavourable situation that he himself is going through. He is very positive person with great courage to smile in each and every situation.

14.   Anjali – A courageous girl, who fought with the thinking of the society and won. I salute this girl for her courage and not only courage but the resilience that she has shown in her life to achieve what she wanted to achieve. I learned being with her that, when you run, you’ll fall, but if you won’t stand again and run then you’ll be grounded.

15.   Arbind – My school friend – He had got a splendour bike, when we both were in our teenage. We shared most of our teenage emotional imbalances and also bunking the tuitions and watching the movie in cinema hall. The fun part was driving far away and sitting idle on the city top and staring the sun set. Funnier part was cutting the coupon from newspaper and selling those and having chhole bhature.

16.   Meeting a family in slum – It’s true that a poor has only one thing to either give or take and that is respect. Such people return your love and respect in multi fold. I still remember the tea at 11 O’clock night that the lady of that house offered and also asked to have dinner from her families share. The most shocking was the story of her family that was in trouble but continuous smile on her families face and faith on god were commendable. I can be sad of not having an iPhone but they are happy of having life and food every day.

17.   Shailesh – An art of living volunteer – A true volunteer. He has got passion for service of the society and spreading the wisdom that he has got. Doing sewa with him was always amazing, I never saw him losing his temper and saying no. A perfect yes person.

18.   This Boy – I found him in the market, begging for food. I started teaching him and gave study materials. Frequently he used to come and take money from me in the name of study materials. He vanished for 2 years. 2 years later I found him sleeping on my door, hungry, dirty and scattered. Bought food for him – He also packed food for next morning, listened his made up stories.  I told him, don’t worry I’ll drop you home, and tell your parents to live better. He vanished in a second, while I was locking the door. He taught me, goods can’t be done to not good people.

19.   Hawa Mithai wala boy – A young entrepreneur. Met an amazingly hardworking boy, who uses to sell “hawa mithai”. In his words; “I wake up 2 O’clock every night and start the preparation, make the sweets till 7 AM, take my breakfast and come out on street to sell. Walk almost 10 -12 km a day to sell all my sweets, till 4’Oclock. Go home eat and sleep. We are living in a nation where those hands, which should carry the weight of books and pencils, carry the 15 kg everyday for daily needs. And he is not poor because he earns more than Rs 32/- everyday.

20.   Swati – A girl without virtue – Its difficult to find good people always, life is not that smooth. I still try to figure out what virtue she had, and what life she lived, living and will live. She made this statement true that in the company of not so good people you learn a lot. In the company of liars the virtue of truth flourishes. Few lines cannot describe her but certainly experience with her was not good.

21.   Anupam – Her father – The man without spine. He literally showed the meaning of practicality in life or how much practical this world has become. Frankly speaking before meeting this man I had this notion that world is full of good people and they pay back the goodness in lieu of goodness. But I was wrong.

22.   Her Sister – Money minded, poor valued person - “We are Chaturvedis who don’t know the meaning of humanity”. What money can do to a non deserving person, she is the perfect example. Above three people have shown the new world, the new set of people where life revolves around the money, but not around the values.

23.   Visit to Pashupatinath temple. This is a place I felt the distance between desire and death. This shiva temple is an ancient temple and doesn’t give the feeling of life, but it gives the feeling of beyond life. The environment itself is transformative. The place has got silence and the power of inner destruction.

24.   Visit to Tihar jail – I was not there as a prisoner but as a course assist. This place gave the experience that how one moment can spoil the life. Each prisoner whom I met and spoke with said the same thing - the crime is momentarily, nut after effect is for long. Also people can change for goodness if time and situation allow them to do so.

25.   Bhatnagar Uncle – The man who touched the gate of the heaven and came back. He suffered from a disease in which the chance of survival is just eight percent. He is one of those. His enormous amount of faith on god saved him. He is a man who always thinks that a change is needed in society and we should always be the part of that change. Service should never be stopped, whether it is small of big. Be a contributor to the society.

26.   The pursuit of happiness – the movie. Out of two movies that influenced me one is this one. Although it’s a true story. Actor sells his blood to climb the ladder of success and to counter his present situation. Moreover, the tears of success wash all the stain of pain.

27.   Into the wild – A journey of a man to his dream destination. This true story gives different insight of the society. The community that we call society, which is above all the race and top of the ecological pyramid afraid of each other. Two stunning lines are “society you are crazy breed” and “when more is less, less is more”.

28.   The fountainhead – A novel. “This is a society of second hander, we do and we believe what others want us to do and wish us to believe”. The success is no success if it is a second hand success and can’t be own. A motivating novel having a panoramic view of life, where only success is not important but own success is important.

29. My mind: my friend, but my biggest enemy – Last but not the least, its part of me. Why I say my mind is the biggest enemy of mine is because I never understood it, even though I tried real hard. It makes me believe convenient things and allow me to drop hard stuffs. It does not allow me to fight for my dream, run for my passion and follow my heart. Wait is on.

The bitter truth...

Somewhere somebody may be preparing “laddoos” to celebrate the win on 16^th May. Somewhere somebody may be getting ready for tonight’s farewell at 10 Janpath. Somewhere somebody might be attending a meeting for some addition and subtraction of the seats and somebody somewhere is guarding the digitally filled EVM machine on which next five year’s future of my country relying. In the midst of all this there are some intellectuals who are still fighting on twitter and facebook over the credibility of the issues, persons and situations. I am trying to give a different picture of all this.

It is so difficult to remain apolitical in the season rallies, road shows and rages between two parties. Mail boxes, text boxes and idiot boxes are full of undesirables. Every party are trying to prove that they are the ones who will not shed my cloths in next five years. One step ahead is the peoples who support either of the parties, as if they are fighting this ideological battle. These are some who were criticizing somebody for making elephant statues and praising somebody for making tallest statue. For them there is no middle path, either messiah or massacre.

In between of all this never ending melodrama I feel ashamed of myself every morning when I see my office peon, cleaning dirty tables, throwing office cups and bringing tea for everyone. It is not because he is old or differently able; it is because he reflects the ground reality of politics of our country. He is the picture of our development from Mahatma to Modi. My only fault was I asked him, from where did you come and what is your qualification?

The answer was shocking; I graduated in Political science.

Goosebumps all over my body.

Next sentence; Just because of financial condition of my family, I have to work. I come from BIHAR.

The state, which has given the first president to this nation, is topping the list of migrants and giving overqualified workers for non-skill jobs. Indeed nobody requires a degree in political science for serving tea. The story doesn’t end here and indeed he is not the one. I met several of ice cream seller, tea maker, and rickshaw puller. Shocking was those moments when someone said to me; I am diploma in mechanical engineering and serving tea to an ITI person. It is just because the other person is just at the other side of the table.

My point is not to prove that tea serving is a bad or low level job, or not to portray that there is bifurcation in the type of job, but my intention is that in the battle of political fighting there are some people who just see the face of nation changing, not their lifestyle. For them it is immaterial who is fighting from where or who is making what, but it matters to them that where they will work after 6 months because they come on temporary payroll for just 6 months. It is good god to fight the ideological battle on social networking sites but very few of them will ask questions from people around them that what brought you here?

I see everyday a honeybee hive in my balcony, bees coming and going, dying and flying. Initially I thought of removing that from my balcony because it was purely an encroachment in my place for which I am paying rent, but later I changed my mind. Initially I was seeing hive and now I see bees. This is the bitter truth of my country, we are more focusing on hive not the individual bee.

A short excerpt....

February 05^th 2013,
We met after 2 weeks of denial that we don’t know each other. You lost your mobile phone in the vegetable market near my house. You felt helpless and indirectly contacted me. You came to my house and had water in your blue coloured pair cup. I took you to mobile store, registered complain, fought with the guy whom I interrogated for mobile theft. You came with me to ATM and took out the money. You bought a new phone and then we went to convergys for having “paratha””. I dropped you at your home. You left the car without saying a proper bye. I accepted that.

February 6^th 2013,
Evening 3:00PM I left office to take you to Vodafone store for new connection. You accompanied me in my office cab to my house. You said something, I got angry. I walked alone in front of you. You called me stranger. Things went on and on. That day still haunt me in my dreams. I was not me, anger, shouting, and biggest fight I ever had with anyone in my life. I broke the pair cup, tore the papers and stopped smiling.

February 6^th 2014,
I did not even get time to celebrate the anniversary. I was busy in work and meetings and working till late hours and finally stuck in traffic jam. And then the tiredness did not allowed me to think what date is today, which I wanted to remember. Time just flies, 365 days are not enough to forget but enough to forget.

Nagpur again...

This blog begins with the portion written while sitting on the stone just in front of the "Indian coffee house" at the busiest street of Dharampeth, Nagpur, having tea in my hand from the famous south Indian restaurant - Gokul Vrindavan. The street is same, the shops are same, except some new openings, the square is same, but the smell in the air is completely different. The moment I stepped down from the train the aroma of the city smelled different. Either, my state of mind is responsible or the purpose of visit to this place again. Someone comes to me and asked for a matchbox to lit the cigarette. I see fresh group of people,wearing same uniform of the college from where I did graduated, chatting, laughing loudly, giving high fives and looking at me strangely that why I am looking at those, reminded me two things, Its 2014 and I left this place almost 6 years back.

Memories that are not inside the mind, but rather belong to places, times and, objects are just like those old coins deposited in piggy bank, which lost its market value now, but still precious for the depositor. Memories are either firmly placed to those places where years back they were alive or effortlessly pinned to the walls of the nature just like photographs on the wall our living room. But i can certainly claim fainted tyre prints of my bike on the street and my share of exhaled carbon dioxide.

After avoiding years I was destined to go back to Nagpur, the place where i spent some good and quality time of my life, the place where I graduated in many fields such as academic, behavioural, emotional etc. This place has given me so many things including a platform to smile throughout my life, a chance to earn bread and butter and a reason to be a good human being.

My college belongs to somebody else now. I found someone else captured my spot, such as the chairs of library, the pavement in front of the library's water cooler, and the machines in the workshop. The red colored stall of NESCAFE transformed into a brown cafe coffee day with less love. A maggie and cheap coffee is changed into the some italian sandwich and cafe mocha without memories. Almost all known faces turned into the strangers,giving the feeling of alienness. Now there is no fear that if I'll order some pricey good eating stuff, than someone will come and ask for his or her share or a group of my friends to claim the whole, rather its a wish to happen. Also those plastic chairs and tables -signatured- have been removed. The "small cafeteria -tapri" behind the gym is a history now, where there was an old man serving samosa in a steel plate with green chuteney with some good words and a genuine smile. Someone told me that this tapari has been closed three years back. Overall, for me my college became just concrete statued walls with white paints.

The similar story is with all the places where my footprints were there years back, but now they are on the verge of erosion. Probably this was my last visit to this place and with the feeling of that I have money to use nagpur airport, I flew back to my next destination. While sitting in a flight seat no. 14F, I saw the city from above and wrote these 10 points.

10 things happen when life goes into the past

10. It gives the clear picture of the change of taste. Whether its the previously enjoyed poha or biryani at dharampeth, it doesn't taste as tasty as it was earlier.
9. It assures that different stages in life give different angles to the state of observation.
8. It confirms that places remains same, its just people around and time changes.
7. It gives feeling of limited time in life, the question whether i would be able to comeback again here.
6. It proves place does not make a place better, company do.
5. My father's Debit ATM card had better features than mine Credit and Debit cards.
4. It reminds borrowed bike ride had better fun than a hired taxi.
3. It pushes you to leave your spot, filling it with new entity.
2. It tickles you to laugh on you previous idiotic deeds.
1. It reminds that time is always ready to disown you, don't forget to thank who made this journey beautiful.

The last leaf of the tree

Today, when I came out in my balcony saw some dense fog blanketing all over the place. The slow wind was blowing, reminding the most of the winters that I spent in this place. The balcony witnessed so many changing moments of the life of mine, be it times from smoking a puff of cigarette to meditating in the midst of whole noise around here. I always believe that time is not real, it is as imaginary and superficial as the flame of the candle, it is there, but it is not there. For everybody including me time is different and run with a different pace. Its behavior is better observed when sit on railway platform and see some people struggling to get into the train and some already got into it or can better be observed when stand beside the highway and see different vehicles moving with different speed with the convenience of the people sitting in those, some are fast, some are slow.

Every time I go into my balcony the tree in front of my house makes me stop for a while, gives a gentle and warm welcome, saying “here are you again”. I and this tree started some of the journey together. When I came here the tree was very small and was making an effort to grow, survived all harsh weathers and seen the most heated gloomy sun lights. Five years after tree has grown, its branches are slightly away from my balcony and I am very sure sooner or later it is going to touch the iron pipe on which I lit the candle in diwali. This summer the tree has shown some unusual behavior. Like every summer, this summer it did not drop its leaves. I was quite surprised, but at the same time I was happy, because this summer I wanted that it should protect my balcony visible from the market just in front of it. Sometimes nature behaves quite strange and gives surprises that we all deserve.

This morning, when I saw that tree, I found that tree has stared shedding its leaves. Almost thirty to forty percent of leaves have already been shed, gave me an indication that now people or a person can stand in market and see my balcony. But no worries at all, even if somebody will intentionally try to find me in my balcony or try to remember the peanuts moments, I’ll not be here accompany for those moments. With each and every falling leaves my time to leave this place is coming closer. By the time all the leaves will be gone from the trees, from the market you’ll find an empty balcony or somebody else residing here. After more than five years, the time has come to say; “Goodbye Gurgaon”.

My Last night dream

I remember, in my school days just a night before my Math’s exam I used to see a dream. The dream goes like this: I have my Math’s exam today and I wake up, I see the watch and its five minutes late. I come out of my bed hurriedly and run towards my toothbrush, am not finding it – In the whole scenario I did not find my mom to help me out and I am fighting with the situation alone – somehow the race against time is on. I manage to find out my toothbrush and take my shower. I manage to pack my bag for the exam, again I see the watch its time, time to begin the exam and I am still at home. I don’t want to fail in my Math’s paper, so I come out of my house and somehow manage to get an auto. Auto gets down and it starts killing my time, I start running and running and running. In the whole process of running I find that my distance is increasing and my school is going away from me. I push hard and increase my running speed and somehow reach to the school. At the gate of the school I find everything is silent except me. I run to my classroom and get the answer sheet and question paper, I know all the questions, I begin writing the paper – the flaw here is that every time I come late for my Math’s exam I am allowed to sit and teacher don’t throw me out of the examination hall – I have only 30 minutes to finish the paper and suddenly I find that there is no ink in my pen. I choose different pen, but there is no ink either. Time’s up, paper finished teacher snatches paper from me and I did not even answer a single question. I hear the warning bell of exam and it sounds like alarm of my table clock. Alarm rings and I wake up, things are absolutely fine I reach to the school on time, get my question paper on time, there is a sufficient ink in my pen, and I finish paper on time and pass with flying colors. But, I always used to see this same dream before my math’s exam.

Last night my dream was pretty similar, I found myself in college again as if I bunked the class for so long and returned back to my classroom. I saw a known face on the teacher’s seat, she knows me, and I also know her but my mind did not recall where I saw her. She welcomed me in her class, the same pressure was there, notes, class, and off course exam. Some fellow classmate asked me; “where have you been, exam is starting in few days? I asked myself where have I been, and how come I don’t know about this exam?  Did I lose my memory? What had happened to me? How come I am so careless to forget about the exam? I found some known faces reminding me that don’t worry; we are going to help you for your exam. I am stunned, I know everybody here, and I don’t know anybody here. Teacher is smiling at me. Classmates are looking at me. I come out of my class and start running, I run and run and run and by the time I reach the examination hall the paper is finished. I fail to write the exam again. I woke up and saw there is nobody to take my exam. I neither registered for a course nor is my exam scheduled. I tried to recall those faces but I feel I never saw those faces in my life. But, I found some good friends in my dream. They were really good.

This morning, in my cab, while going to office I found it was my “fear”. But don’t know fear of what?